Betwixt and Between

It was inevitable, but I still didn't see it coming. It is one of those incidents in life that throw most people (including me) into an emotional tailspin. In the morning, I'm listening to someone share how helpful I've been in their life. They thanked me for the effort I had put in on their behalf. In the afternoon, I received word that someone else was extremely disappointed in me because they felt I had abandoned them.

At least for me (because I tend to be a "glass, half-empty" type of guy), the praise of the morning was eclipsed by the criticism of the afternoon. I'm vulnerable when this type of criticism comes because I am always second-guessing myself. What more can I do? How much more effort do I need? The standard for success - or acceptance - seems always to be changing. I have to fight down the feeling that I am "bad" because I don't measure up to someone else's expectations. It makes me want to avoid them.

I remind myself that I have failed the Lord many times, yet He still loves me. He loves me not for what I do, but because of who I am based on what His Son did in my place. At first, this thought seems like pulling up a tattered blanket on a cold winter night. It provides scant warmth. But, where else do you go? I can spout my feeling of being treated unfairly to others, but that only sets people up for being polarized. I can try to justify myself, but those who have brought the criticism will not be open to listening.

It is only God, who knows and understands all motives, who can bring peace and healing.

2 Samuel 12-13