Grace in the Time of Covid-19

My wife and I went to the store this morning during the "special" hours laid out for seniors.  As one might expect, the aisles for toilet paper and paper towels were bare.  It was incredible to note what had become as precious as gold and what had become as common as dirt.

But, what bothered me most was the attitude of my senior "peeps."  We who have endured some things - Vietnam, natural disasters, 9-11 and others - were scurrying around like frightened mice.  There was nary a smile to be seen in the store.  You couldn't make eye contact until you were rammed by another's cart.  I wanted to shout, "I'm six-feet away; how about a smile!"

I finally joked with the clerk as we checked out.  He had his own restrictions in bagging our food so we kidded him that we'd send him the bill.  We finally got a chuckle.

I realize this might be my own reaction to the invisible, but ever-present pressure we all face.  I am thankful when I get a wave from a neighbor who is out for a walk or a head nod from a person driving down the street.  It lifts the weight of feeling alone in all of this.

Sadness

It took my breath away.  It was a small article on my Sacramento news feed of a soccer coach who had been arrested for sexual crimes against a minor.  I know that man!

The crimes with which he is charged are heinous and reprehensible.  He failed and abused those whom he was to mentor.  He betrayed the trust given him by parents and players.  He brought inexpressible hurt to this girl, to her family, to his family, to the soccer community, to his friends and to himself.  There is no excuse for this type of behavior, although there may be a reason.  The penalty that will come if this crime is found to be true is well-deserved and should be thorough and complete.

Yet, I know this man.  Obviously not as deeply as I imagined, nevertheless, I called him "friend."  We shared some laughs together along with some tasks.  We encouraged and consoled each other as we labored together in a common project.  He was able to help me with a problem I had at my church by providing some needed equipment and materials.

Again, I know this man.  And, what I am finding equally reprehensible is the slaughtering he is taking on social media.  People, like me, who had many things in common, have tied an anchor and chain around him, and tossed him into the deep.  I get that they don't want to be connected to someone who would do such horrendous things, but to then disavow all contact seems disingenuous.  The vitriol that has emerged prompted me to glean my "friends" list in FaceBook and other places. 

I know this man.  He has hurt and harmed a girl and her family irrevocably.  He has castrated his own support system - his family and friends.  Yet, I will still pray for him.  I will pray that God, in His perfect mixture of justice and compassion - will find and give mercy and grace to this man.  My prayer is that he come humble and repentant to the only one who can give real forgiveness and restoration.

"Back in the Saddle, Again!"

When you have time on your hands, what do you do?  I start writing again on the blog I had given up some years ago.  Again, who reads this?  Who knows and does it really matter?  If no one else sees it, it still matters to me.  It is still - in a way - pen to paper with my thoughts and continuing the practice of trying to make sense of my life for myself.

I have just finished a 27-month stint as the interim pastor for the Clovis Evangelical Free Church.  I rented an apartment in Clovis (near Fresno, CA) and spend most of my time there, only returning to Citrus Heights every 10-14 days.  My wife, Judy, would venture down for brief visits as her work as the District Nurse for the Robla School District allowed.

I realize I put on "hold" many of the good things that were coming after my retirement as the pastor of the First Evangelical Free Church.  I left a fun ministry with Hope Church (Oak Park area of Sacramento), although they still sought my counsel on a lot of items.  I set aside my work with the Robla School District as a substitute teacher.  I also let my involvement with Citrus Heights Kiwanis and Citrus Heights Soccer Club wane.

Was it worth it?  This is hard to quantify and qualify.  I certainly enjoyed the routine of sermon preparation and presentation.  I also enjoyed helping the church leaders work through different issues in preparation for a new senior pastor.  Yet, at the same time, I had a lot of my own anxieties and wounds opened up.  Graciously, God had me in a better place so that I had resources both divine and human to withstand some of the internal and external pressures.

So, what next?  I don't really know.  Athletes talk about letting the "game come to them."  They see the unfolding of the pattern as players race down the court or field and then they make a decision.  This seems a bit of what I'm doing.  Waiting.  Trying to wait in a way that shows my maturity in Christ rather than how I've waited in decades past.  Following God's direction rather than insisting that He follow me.