When you have time on your hands, what do you do? I start writing again on the blog I had given up some years ago. Again, who reads this? Who knows and does it really matter? If no one else sees it, it still matters to me. It is still - in a way - pen to paper with my thoughts and continuing the practice of trying to make sense of my life for myself.
I have just finished a 27-month stint as the interim pastor for the Clovis Evangelical Free Church. I rented an apartment in Clovis (near Fresno, CA) and spend most of my time there, only returning to Citrus Heights every 10-14 days. My wife, Judy, would venture down for brief visits as her work as the District Nurse for the Robla School District allowed.
I realize I put on "hold" many of the good things that were coming after my retirement as the pastor of the First Evangelical Free Church. I left a fun ministry with Hope Church (Oak Park area of Sacramento), although they still sought my counsel on a lot of items. I set aside my work with the Robla School District as a substitute teacher. I also let my involvement with Citrus Heights Kiwanis and Citrus Heights Soccer Club wane.
Was it worth it? This is hard to quantify and qualify. I certainly enjoyed the routine of sermon preparation and presentation. I also enjoyed helping the church leaders work through different issues in preparation for a new senior pastor. Yet, at the same time, I had a lot of my own anxieties and wounds opened up. Graciously, God had me in a better place so that I had resources both divine and human to withstand some of the internal and external pressures.
So, what next? I don't really know. Athletes talk about letting the "game come to them." They see the unfolding of the pattern as players race down the court or field and then they make a decision. This seems a bit of what I'm doing. Waiting. Trying to wait in a way that shows my maturity in Christ rather than how I've waited in decades past. Following God's direction rather than insisting that He follow me.
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