It might be that in a space of ten days I officiated 12 soccer matches. They were not international level matches, for sure. In fact, most of them were Under-12's and lower. Furthermore, the issue is not even how well or poorly I did in those matches. The issue is my recovery time. I pushed myself through a five-match tournament this weekend and found myself drained. I had enough energy to watch television and that was it. I was pretty uncommunicative around the house. When Sunday came, whatever reserves I had managed to upload were soon exhausted at church. If I was a computer, I would have been in sleep mode for the rest of the day.
A friend offered a word that I've heard before about running myself ragged. At first, I pushed back on the idea. But after second (and third) thoughts, I realized it was not so much a criticism as it was a statement of reality. I just don't have the reserves that I had when I was younger.
Even as I type those words, there's an ominous feeling to them. It means that I am still heading into largely uncharted waters. This can be frustrating because at this time of my life I had hoped for more clarity and confidence. Hadn't my father seemed so confident and assured at this age? Or, was he just as "out of sync?"
The result is that I must not try harder. This is usually the advice given to all situation where discouragement is felt. Trying harder just leads to more frustration. It's time to step back and re-group. It's time to admit limitations and learn to live with a new normal.
Although intimidating, the resources are still the same. There is nothing that can separate me for the love of God in Christ Jesus. He still holds me securely. I still have all of what He has promised. I just have to adjust the focus of my life's picture.
2 Samuel 1
go dad
ReplyDeletemy dad is living with the New Normal...he can no longer see to read and uses a walker now. He will be 90 years old next September
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